


beginnings and endings (this is it)

by HiddenObscurial



Category: Saturday Night Live RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:33:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29240655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenObscurial/pseuds/HiddenObscurial
Summary: Seth and Amy's lives, told through beginnings and endings.Or, 5 times Seth / Amy said "This is it."
Relationships: Seth Meyers/Amy Poehler
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	beginnings and endings (this is it)

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by [this new fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29185731) I saw after the Seth/Amy tag had been dead for years, so I wrote this. Enjoy :)

**1\. First SNL show, 2001**

Seth knows he should be excited; it's a new beginning, after all. But standing in the dim area off to the side of the stage, he's terrified. This is his one big chance, and he knows it. If he screws this up, his career is over. 

Next to him stands Amy Poehler. _The_ Amy Poehler. Well, to most people, she's probably still an unrecognisable featured player, just like him. But he's seen her perform, back in the late 90s, and he knows it's only a matter of time before the audience sees her talent too. Right now, she's leaning against the wall, script in hand, reading her lines over and over under her breath. It's comforting to know that she's almost certainly as scared as he is, from the way her hand is gripping the script so tightly. It's awe-inspiring, the way that she's impossibly talented compared to him, and yet she puts in an enormous amount of effort and commitment into everything they've done. 

"Thirty seconds," the stage manager calls. Amy puts down her script. As the crew puts down the last of the set, they walk over to their places on stage. 

Amy looks over at him, and there's a flutter in his chest as he meets her gaze. She's beautiful, even now, dressed in a crazy outfit and an incredulous-looking wig sitting atop her head. She's confident and incredibly funny and a physical manifestation of joy, and since the moment they met on their first day, he's only fallen for her more. He knows he shouldn't - relationships in the cast have never worked out - but he can't help the way he feels when she grins at him across the table during read-through, or when he hears her distinctive cackle from down the hall. He knows that in this scenario, he's Icarus, and if he flies too close to the sun, he'll regret it for the rest of his life.

"Five seconds!" Seth's heart hammers in his chest. He takes a deep breath. 

"Three!" Amy grabs his hand and squeezes it. 

"Two!" 

"This is it," she whispers, and he nods in reply. 

"One!"

Even as their sketch only gets an average amount of laughter and a little applause, the thrill of performing in front of a real crowd, at the greatest comedy show on air, and together with someone he knows will be a real star some day, is enough to put him on a high for the next few days. The adrenaline is still coursing through his veins when they come off stage, grinning to each other in the dark like little kids and missing their first attempt at a high five. He knows that regardless of what this thing between them turns into, it's going to be one of the most special things to ever happen to him.

* * *

**2\. First Weekend Update, 2006**

It's Seth's fifth year on the show when Tina announces that she's leaving. Amy had come to him the day after the announcement, almost nervously knocking on his office door, and asked him to join her on the Update desk. He hadn't hesitated even a second before saying yes. 

That is what brings them to this moment. Seth stands in his dressing room, shrugging on his suit jacket. Amy is sitting on his couch, already in her Update outfit. She gets up and stands next to him in front of the mirror. 

"Your tie's crooked," she tells him, and reaches over to fix it for him. 

"Thanks, Poehler." He lets her straighten out his tie, and then looks at himself in the mirror again.

"Well, this is it," Amy says, her entire face lighting up with her smile. "Up here in the big leagues where Lorne can't fire you!" 

Seth laughs. "This _is_ it," he agrees, grinning. "Though I have to say, I could get fired if Lorne doesn't like our chemistry enough. And if that happens, I'm blaming you and Tina for setting the standards too high." 

Amy cackles, and it's a warm and familiar sound that soothes the nervous feeling in his gut. "Well, fuck you, Meyers," she teases. 

"Wow, I see how it is," he deadpans, before joining her in her laughter a second later. "I'm just kidding; I could never blame you, Poehler."

Amy looks up at him, her blue eyes sparkling. He's suddenly extremely aware of how close they're standing. He doesn't know how it happens, or who moves in first, but then, her lips are pressed against his. She tastes of lipstick and a little of the gin she drinks before every show. He remembers, dimly, at the back of his mind, that they shouldn't be doing this, that she's married, but he ignores the little voice in his head and deepens the kiss. 

When they finally break for air, he drinks in Amy's beautiful features and flushed face hungrily. He moves to kiss her again, but she gently pushes him back. His heart falls.

"Later, Seth," Amy says. "We've got Update to do." 

_Later._ It's a good enough promise for him, and he tells her as much. There's a mischievous glint in her eye as she nods and helps him wipe away the smudged lipstick around his mouth. 

After the show, Amy leads him back to his dressing room, locking the door behind them. The second she's sure the door is secure, she throws her Update jacket over the back of a chair, then pulls him down towards her and kisses him hard, tongue prodding insistently at his lips. He cups one hand across the back of her neck, pulling her close, while he snakes his other hand up her shirt. His hand finds the clasp of her bra and he fumbles with it for a second before it gives. He slips it out of her shirt and throws it onto the ground carelessly. Amy's hands are undoing his tie, tugging it out of its tight knot and letting it fall onto the ground as well. He takes a moment to shrug his jacket off - it's a moment too long without her touch on him - and then drags her shirt off over her head. Then, he leans down and presses a trail of kisses down from her collarbone to her nipples, taking extra time to linger on one of them. Amy moans. "Fuck, Seth." 

His name, said by her in this context and in that tone, makes his cock twitch, and he throws patience out the window, pulling her over towards the couch. She follows, and just before he gets there, she spins them around and pushes him down so that she's on top on him. Somehow, that turns him on even more. 

Her hands reach down to unbuckle his belt, grazing against his cock through his slacks with every movement. He groans, grinding up against her, desperately seeking friction. She finally gets his belt off and unzips his fly, and pulls out his cock, already hard and leaking at the tip. 

"Wow," Amy stares for a second, and then starts stroking it, swiping her thumb over the tip. His hips jerk forward into her grip involuntarily. "Oh god, _fuck_ , Amy." 

She grins. He pulls her towards him and kisses her sloppily, feeling her smile against his lips. Clumsily, he unbuttons her pants and yanks them down just enough to stick his fingers inside and find slick, ready heat. He presses a finger into her. 

"Seth, please, _fuck-_ " Amy gasps. He pushes in deeper and crooks his fingers, finding her clit with the heel of his hand. Her nails dig into his back. "Shit, right there, that's it, _yes-_ " 

When he looks up at Amy, her pupils are blown wide, and her face is flushed red, sweat lining her brow. She speeds up the motion of her hand on his cock, and he groans. 

"Fuck, Amy, I'm close," he pants into her ear. 

"Wait," Amy says breathlessly, slowing down again, "I want you to cum in me." 

"Hell yes," Seth replies without hesitation, pulling his fingers out of her so she can get her pants down past her hips. Then, she steadies his cock and straddles him, sinking down on him inch by inch. She's wet and hot and tight around him, and Seth groans as she takes him in all the way. He rolls his hips upwards, feeling his pelvis grind against her with each thrust, and she shouts. "Fuck! Keep going Seth, oh god, right there-"

She comes with a long moan, shuddering in his arms. The sound is all it takes to set him off as well, losing his rhythm as he shoots off inside her. "Oh _fuck, Amy-_ "

They lie there, breathing hard, wet and wasted, for a minute, coming down from the high. The weight of what they've just done finally settles on Seth. 

"Shit, Amy," Seth says, and he's horrified at himself now. What was he thinking? She's _married_ , for god's sake. "Shit, we shouldn't have done that." 

She doesn't reply him, and he can feel her tense up next to him. He gets up and reaches for the box of tissues on the table next to them, grabbing a few for himself and handing a couple to Amy. He doesn't meet her eyes. Turning away from her, cleans himself off and puts on his clothes. 

"Seth," Amy says softly, voice filled with hopelessness. "Please." 

His heart almost shatters at her tone alone, but he forces himself not to look over. He knows that if he does, he'll never be able to say what he knows he has to. He scrubs a hand down his face and sighs. 

"Amy, you have Will," he says quietly. "I can't do that to him."

When he finally turns and looks at her, there's a look of resignation her face.

"I know," she whispers, voice wavering, and Seth crosses the room in two strides and pulls her into a hug. "I'm sorry, Seth. I shouldn't have asked."

"No, no, it's okay," Seth murmurs into her hair. 

"Are we still friends?" Amy asks, unsure.

Seth doesn't hesitate before answering. "Always."

(They make a silent, mutual agreement, in that moment, to never speak of what had happened here. It's an agreement neither of them ever break. And if something has irreversibly changed between them, well, no one needs to know.)

* * *

**3\. Amy's last show, 2008**

All these years, Seth had always thought that between them, he'd be the first to leave SNL - not because he would have opportunities outside, so much as he would be booted off the show by Lorne. When he'd become head writer, those fears disappeared, but the simple fact remained: SNL would never survive without Amy. She was a major piece of the puzzle, the queen on a chessboard, the heart of the show. 

But of course, he should have seen it coming. No one stays on the show forever, after all. It has been almost nine years since they both started, as fresh-faced, terrified featured players. By average standards, their time should have been up years ago. 

Unlike other important cast members who have left the show, Amy doesn't want a big send-off. She's told the writers as much, and for tonight, they've written in just one minute of air for her to say goodbye. Then Fred will pop up as Paterson and get in their shot, and hopefully diffuse the heavy mood long enough for the crowd to laugh. 

Ever since Amy had told him she was leaving, he hasn't been able to stop counting down their lasts. Last writing night. Last table read. Last dress rehearsal. 

And now, last live show.

As they settle down at the Update desk ( _one last time,_ says the voice in his head), the last eight and a half years of memories rush through his mind - meeting in Mike Shoemaker's office for the first time, getting their favourite sketches on air, countless season premieres and finales and Christmas and Thanksgiving shows and even more afterparties experienced through the blurry lens of alcohol. Amy seems have read his mind, because when she smiles at him, there's a tinge of longing behind it. 

"This is it," she whispers. She holds his hand under the desk and exhales slowly, looking out past the bright studio lights and at the crowd hidden mostly in darkness. Then, she glances at him again. 

"I'm gonna miss you, Coco," she says, and suddenly, there's a lump in his throat and tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. 

"You know, I'd prefer not to cry on air, Moses," Seth jokes, and she laughs and squeezes his hand tightly. 

The countdown from their stage manager starts, and they turn to face the cameras as intro clip starts playing. 

"It's Weekend Update with Amy Poehler, and Seth Meyers!" ( _The last time you'll hear her name there,_ supplies the voice in his head.)

The segment flies by in the blink of an eye, and before he knows it, they're on the last part of Update. As Amy gives her thanks to everyone they've worked with, she starts to get choked up, and Seth automatically brings a hand up to her back to steady her. And then, it's over. The ending music plays, and he shouts, "For Weekend Update, I'm Seth Meyers!" Amy doesn't manage to say her line, and he turns and pulls her into a crushing hug. She's crying a little, tears staining his jacket as she buries her face in his shoulder. 

After the show, she leads him back up to their shared office, and pulls out a little box from a drawer in her desk. 

"I couldn't leave without giving you something," Amy tells him as she places the box in his palm. He opens it up, and inside, there's an intricately-made medallion, coated with shining gold and silver, the word "courage" embossed onto a blue banner across it. 

"It's the badge of courage Dorothy gives to the lion in the Wizard of Oz," Amy explains, her hand still lingering on his. "You'll need it if you're gonna anchor Update without me." Seth's heart melts at the sentiment, and he just stares at Amy for a moment, trying to capture every detail of this moment in his mind.

"Damn, this was a stupid idea, I'll get you something else-" 

Seth cuts her off by engulfing her in a hug. "It's perfect," he says sincerely. "I love it. Thank you, Poehlcats."

When they pull apart, Amy is teary-eyed again, and Seth automatically tears up at the sight of it. "God, Amy, we need to stop making each other cry today." 

Amy chuckles and gives him a watery smile. "I'm gonna miss you, Meyers."

"You too, Poehler."

(Seth keeps the medallion in the inner pocket of his Update jacket. At the end of each night, when he reaches over to tap the empty spot to his right where Amy used to sit, he can feel its comforting weight pressed against his heart.)

* * *

**4\. Seth's last show, 2014**

The years have flown by, Seth thinks, walking down the hallway lined with generations of cast pictures. He can remember, clear as day, the first time he had walked down this corridor, and seeing his picture right at the end, right underneath Amy's. Now, almost thirteen years later, his picture is closer to the two-thirds point down the corridor, with more than twenty cast pictures after his. 

Walking through this hallway fills him with a sense of pride now, knowing that he's helped to nurture a whole new generation of cast and writers who will take the reigns from him in less than a week. Lorne had told him that they'd allow him to pick anything he wanted to do as his farewell sketch, as long as it wouldn't anger the network censors, and he had immediately known what he wanted to do.

When he had called Amy, he'd been a little nervous to ask her to fly all the way to New York just for a little bit of airtime. But she had agreed, not just to come back for the show, but to spend the whole week with him, and he's eternally grateful for that. Amy, Bill, Fred, Andy - they're all important cornerstones of his time at SNL. And it's Amy, most of all, who had been there with him every step of the way from their first day all the way till her last. 

Going through the hallways at 30 Rock with Amy, there's almost the ghosts of decade-old memories lingering in the air. The nooks and crannies of the SNL offices, which were once the sacred, holy ground of comedy to his fresh-faced, featured player self, were now the setting of the thousands of memories, both good and bad, made here. 

"It's weird how young we were when we started," Amy says, echoing his thoughts. Amy points at a picture hanging on the wall of their time anchoring Update together. "My god, look how young we were! Why were we even allowed to do this?" 

"I know, it's insane," Seth marvels. Too often, he has caught a glimpse of the strands of grey hair that are starting to appear at his temples, and wondered how these years have sped by so quickly. But now that he knows his path forward, outside of SNL, he thinks he's ready to let go. 

The packed, sleepless days of an SNL week tend to blur together, and this week is no different. Before he knows it, he's sitting at the Update desk, Cecily next to him, and he's telling his last joke. Amy and Bill and Andy all come out to the desk to join him, and the crowd goes wild. When he starts choking up as he thanks the cast and crew, it's Amy who places a hand on the small of his back, and he's reminded of how years ago, he did the same for her. As the others at the desk sign off, he swallows the lump in his throat, and channels the confidence Amy has always had. 

"I'm Seth Meyers, good night!" 

Amy pulls him into a tight hug, and he feels Bill and Andy piling onto them. The crowd screams excitedly, and he doesn't need to look up to know that Fred has popped up in frame as Governor Paterson. Surprisingly, no tears come now, and he lets Amy lead him off stage, a fitting end to his tenure at this desk.

At the afterparty, he lets himself party like he's thirty again, accepting drink after drink from the cast around him. He knows he'll wake up with a terrible hangover tomorrow, but it doesn't matter now, because Amy's by his side, and it feels just like the old days again. 

As the party dies down and the cast who don't quite know him as well start leaving, Amy brings over a glass of his favourite whiskey.

Amy smiles sleepily at him - the insane amounts of alcohol always got to her first, he recalls fondly - as they clink their glasses together. Seth takes a sip of his whiskey.

"Can you believe it?" Seth says thoughtfully. "This is it. My entire time on SNL's over, just like that." 

"When I left, I felt like that too," Amy tells him, placing her hand on top of his on the bar counter reassuringly. "It's kind of like leaving home for the first time." 

"Yeah," Seth agrees. "It is." 

Maybe it's the alcohol finally getting to him, or the fact that this feels like the end of a chapter, that makes him say, "But as long as you're with me, I think I'll always be home."

"Come on, Meyers, don't get all sappy on me," Amy says, but she's only teasing. She slings an arm around his shoulders.

"Love you too, Seth."

* * *

**5\. Seth's first Late Night show, 2014**

When he steps into the greenroom, Amy greets him with a hug and a warm smile. It's only been three weeks since his last week at SNL, but standing in this all-new backstage area, preparing to do his show for the first time, it feels like it's been forever. 

She walks him backstage after he gets his hair and makeup done, and stands in the dim hallway right before the curtains with him. He slips his hand into hers, a comforting habit since their earliest days together. Beyond the curtains, he can hear Fred and the newly formed 8G band playing for the audience. 

"This is it, Meyers," Amy says, grinning up at him. "The real big leagues. You nervous?"

Seth considers the question. "I don't think so," he answers honestly. It's not wrong; he isn't the scared new cast member of SNL any more. The pounding in his heart now comes more from the thrill of getting to do this new show, than out of nerves. It's exhilarating to know that there's an entire audience waiting out there _just for him_.

The band has finished playing their piece, and he hears his name being announced. 

"Go get it," Amy tells him, and the curtains start to open. 

"Will do, Poehler."

When he steps out into the bright lights of his new studio, he's excited. It's a new beginning, after all.


End file.
